Everything I Know About Aliens, Which Is Almost Nothing
The truth is out there... Somewhere, but definitely not here
Today is the day you’ve all been waiting on for decades. Disclosure day is finally here. We finally get to know the truth… wait, that hasn’t happened yet. Sorry, I got a little carried away.
Actually, today is when I give my opinion about aliens because apparently that’s more interesting than my TikTok experience, my extremely exciting fitness journey, or hearing another Clyde story. (At least according to the poll I took earlier in the week.)
Just to clear things up, I’m not an alien expert. I’ve only watched about 843 episodes of Ancient Aliens, and I’ve only been down 377 rabbit holes on Reddit. Oh yes, I also read a book recently about aliens.
Other than that, I don’t have much knowledge on the subject.
I’m also not affiliated with the government. In other words, I’m not getting paid to spread misinformation. Well, I did make $19.77 on Substack last month.
Anyway, are aliens real or not? Well… There is probably something to all of those stories.
Believe it or not, but I’ve never been abducted to my knowledge. I also don’t have first-hand experience with aliens besides seeing random crap in the sky that’s flashed and disappeared. But if you are new to the world of aliens, I’ll give you a rundown of the most popular types.
The Greys
These are probably the most well-known aliens. The Greys are often known for abductions and performing experiments on humans. Some think they are time-travelers from the future.
If you dive deep into the rabbit hole, you’ll discover that some people believe that they signed a treaty with the US government in 1954. Supposedly, this allowed them to abduct a select number of humans to create hybrids in exchange for advanced technology and weapons. (Okay, that might even be slightly far-fetched for me.)
The Greys pop up again and again in abduction stories. Is any of it true? Well, that’s up to you to decide.
The Reptilians
Okay, now I’m even starting to feel slightly ridiculous, but I must mention the reptilians. These cold-blooded freaks can apparently shape-shift, and some even believe they were the first to arrive on this amazing planet.
If conspiracy theories are more of your thing, you can go to some of the fringe parts of the internet (not speaking from experience) and learn how these powerful creatures rule the world.
Seriously, I can get behind the Greys being real, but the reptilian theory is a little too much for me. I mean, I do have some standards.
Nordics
No, I’m not talking about the lovely people who live in Nordic countries.
Some stories claim Nordics come from star systems like the Pleiades. I think that’s how you spell it? Of course, that depends on which version of the lore you fall into at 2:00 in the morning when you should’ve gone to bed three videos ago.
Honestly, they look and sound more like a generic sci-fi character or some random elves from The Lord of the Rings than actual aliens. I still have PTSD from trying to read The Silmarillion.
The Mantis Aliens
Mantis aliens look like something from a knock-off version of a Goosebumps book, but they are another type of alien. Apparently.
People sometimes describe them as calm and intelligent, and they often oversee experiments. (Sounds believable enough) Others believe they are not an actual physical species, but they live in another dimension.
I’m sure if you take enough drugs, you can have your own encounter with one.
Orbs/Light Beings
Some people believe orbs are alien probes, spirits, interdimensional beings, or some kind of energy-based life form. If you came here for answers, well you are reading the wrong article.
Unlike the other creatures, the weird thing about orbs is that I’ve seen them numerous times in videos. One dude can even call them up on demand.
I think I’ll just stick to playing video games instead of messing around with whatever these things are.
And Then There Are Cow Mutilations…
I’m guessing you’ve had enough alien lore for the day, but I can’t forget to mention cow mutilations. No, I didn’t make that up. You can search online and see the evidence for yourself.
The cuts are too precise to be scavengers, and I seriously doubt people are cutting out cow body parts. So, obviously, the answer is aliens. UFO activity and flying saucers have also been reported in some of these places.
One of the recent cases in Texas happened back in 2023 in Madisonville. (About a 50-minute drive from my house) Six cattle died mysteriously and had their tongues and other body parts removed without any blood at the scene. I can go into more gory details, but you can read the article for yourself.
Whatever is going on, it’s extremely strange.
Random TikTok Video (My Subtle Attempt at Advertising)
Despite the risk of abduction, I spent all of 12 seconds searching for aliens the other day on my walk. I didn’t have any luck, but I did see a few cows. All cows were also perfectly healthy. At least for now…
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Plot Twist: I Might Be an Alien…
I shared this story by leaving a comment on a Medium article about aliens a while back. Apparently, I wasn’t clear enough that it was just a weird coincidence, because random people started asking if I was an alien. Oh yes, the story I commented on also went viral, so that was another bonus.
Anyway, let’s rewind time and go back to 1987.
My parents had three daughters, and I guess that was enough for them because my mom had surgery to no longer have any kids. One night, she had a weird dream where these black-and-red alien-looking creatures were operating on her. I’m pretty sure you know where I’m headed with this story.
A few months later, she found out she was pregnant with me. The doctors couldn’t explain how it happened because her tubes were still separated.
Obviously, I’m some sort of alien-hybrid.
Do I Really Believe in Aliens?
Just to make things clear, I don’t believe I’m part alien. I really do not want to get committed to a mental institution while writing this amazing Substack article. (I do think Wemby on the Spurs is an alien)
But do I really believe in aliens or some other type of creatures? Yes.
Way too many stories and experiences exist for all of them to be fake. I doubt they are from some far-off planet. Maybe they have always been here, or maybe they are interdimensional beings. Or maybe I spend too much time on the internet.
Okay, I think I’ve dug this rabbit hole far enough.
If you made it this far, congratulations. You are now on at least one government list with me.
“If you came here for answers, well you are reading the wrong article.”
This.
I'm actually on several government lists, including some Scottish government lists. I just want Nessie to know that I care and I still believe in her. I mean, blacks listed is such an ugly term.
Still, I was not as informed about aliens and thank you for your bountiful insight. Maybe I'll switch goals in life, start huntin' aliens. Or maybe I'll just switch genres in fiction.
Either way, I feel like I need to set up a protection agency for those poor cows.